As a mother, I sometimes notice how naturally children look for the “right” answer.

Which piece goes here? What color should I use? Who won? Did I do this correctly?

There are many times when there really is a correct answer. Two plus two is four. A red light means stop. Some rules exist for good reasons, and learning them is an important part of growing up.

But life is also full of decisions where there is no single perfect answer.

I think helping children understand that difference is an important life lesson.

Learning to Think, Not Just Answer

Children spend a lot of time learning information, and of course that matters. But I also want my children to learn how to think about a situation when the answer is not obvious.

Imagine two children have one toy they both want to use.

What is the right solution?

They could take turns. They could play with it together. One child could use it now and the other later. They might even decide to put it away and choose something completely different.

There may be several reasonable solutions.

The important part is learning to stop, think, listen, and consider the consequences of each choice.

Choices Usually Come With Tradeoffs

This is something children can begin understanding surprisingly early.

If we spend our afternoon at the park, we may not have time to do something else. If we use all of our money for one thing we want today, we cannot use that same money for something tomorrow. If we stay up later, we may feel more tired in the morning.

Every choice gives us something, but it may also require us to give something else up.

Adults deal with these tradeoffs constantly. We make them with money, work, homes, relationships, time, and family responsibilities.

Children are already making smaller versions of these decisions every day.

Asking Better Questions

Instead of immediately giving children an answer, sometimes we can give them a question.

What do you think would happen if you chose that?

What are your other options?

How would that choice affect someone else?

What matters most to you right now?

What could you do differently next time?

I like these questions because they do not tell a child what to think. They invite a child to think.

That distinction matters to me.

Mistakes Can Give Us Information

Children will sometimes make choices that do not work out the way they expected.

So will adults.

If every imperfect decision is treated like a failure, children may become afraid to make decisions at all. But if we help them look at what happened, a mistake can become information.

What happened?

Why do you think that happened?

What did you learn?

What might you try next time?

The goal is not to pretend that choices never have consequences. Children need appropriate boundaries and accountability. But consequences and learning can exist together.

Sometimes experience teaches a lesson far more effectively than a long explanation ever could.

Other People May Choose Differently

Another part of decision making is understanding that two thoughtful people can look at the same situation and make different choices.

One family may save for a vacation while another saves for something they need at home. One child may enjoy spending free time drawing while another wants to build, read, play outside, or practice a sport.

Different does not automatically mean wrong.

Of course, there are important questions of honesty, safety, kindness, and responsibility where children need clear guidance. But within those boundaries, I want my children to understand that people can have different priorities.

Learning to respect those differences is part of learning to live in a community.

Confidence Grows Through Practice

We cannot expect children to become thoughtful decision makers if they never have opportunities to make decisions.

The choices can start small.

Which book would you like to read tonight?

Would you rather use your money now or continue saving it?

How do you think we should divide this fairly?

What should we do first?

Giving children appropriate choices does not mean allowing them to make every decision. Adults are still responsible for providing boundaries, safety, and guidance.

But within those boundaries, children can practice.

And just like reading, building, drawing, or riding a bicycle, decision making becomes easier with practice.

There Will Not Always Be a Perfect Choice

I think this may be one of the most useful lessons we can give children before adulthood.

Sometimes we gather information, consider our options, think about the people affected, and make the best decision we can with what we know at that moment.

Later, we may discover that another choice would have worked better.

That does not mean the thinking was wasted.

We learn. We adjust. We try again.

My hope is not that my children will grow up knowing the answer to every problem. None of us does.

My hope is that they will grow up comfortable asking questions, considering different possibilities, learning from mistakes, and making thoughtful choices even when nobody can hand them the answer.

Because knowing things is important, but learning how to think is something they can carry with them for the rest of their lives.

With love and a heart of service,

Claudia Backus, MBA
Founder, Backus BrightBots