Children receive a lot from us simply because we love them.

We give them birthday presents. We buy their clothes and food. Grandparents may arrive with a surprise. A friend may give them a gift. Sometimes we buy them something just because we saw it and thought it would make them happy.

There is nothing wrong with receiving.

In fact, learning how to receive something with gratitude is an important life lesson of its own.

But I also want my children to understand that receiving something and earning something are not the same.

That distinction may seem simple to an adult, but I think it can teach children something important about work, gratitude, responsibility, and the value behind the things we have.

Receiving Is Part of Life

When someone gives my children a gift, I do not want their first thought to be, “What did I do to earn this?”

A gift is a gift.

It may come from love, generosity, celebration, or simply because someone wanted to do something kind for them.

What I do want them to understand is that receiving something is not automatic.

Someone chose to give it.

Someone spent money, time, or thought on it.

That gives us an opportunity to teach gratitude.

A sincere thank you matters. Taking care of what we receive matters. Recognizing another person’s generosity matters.

Children do not have to earn every good thing that comes into their lives, but they can learn to appreciate it.

Earning Teaches a Different Lesson

Earning introduces another idea.

There is a connection between effort and outcome.

A child might complete an age appropriate job and earn a small amount of money. An older child might eventually babysit, help a neighbor, start a small business, or have a first job.

The specific activity will change as children grow, but the lesson can begin early.

When we earn something, we exchange our time, effort, skill, creativity, or work for value.

That understanding is important because money can otherwise feel almost invisible to children.

They see us tap a card at the grocery store. A package appears at the front door. We order something online and a few days later it arrives.

From a child’s perspective, it can sometimes look as though things simply appear.

Learning about earning helps connect the dots.

Before Money Is Spent, Someone Usually Had to Earn It

This is one of the ideas I especially want my children to understand.

When we spend money, there is a story behind that money.

Someone worked for it.

That does not mean I want children worrying about every dollar a family spends. I do not believe children need to carry adult financial concerns.

But there is a healthy middle ground between worrying about money and believing money simply appears whenever we want something.

Children can understand that the groceries in the refrigerator, the shoes on their feet, the family outing, and the toy they want all have value.

That awareness can gradually help them become more thoughtful about what they ask for and what they choose for themselves.

Not Every Household Responsibility Needs a Payment

There is another distinction I think is important.

I do not want my children to believe they should be paid every time they contribute at home.

Some things we do because we are part of a family.

We put something away because we used it. We help clean up because we live there. We carry our plate to the kitchen because we are capable of doing it. We help one another because families work together.

Those responsibilities are different from an opportunity specifically created to earn money.

I think children can learn both ideas at the same time.

Sometimes we contribute because it is our responsibility.

Sometimes we work to earn something.

Sometimes we receive because another person chooses to give.

Understanding those differences can help children develop a healthier relationship with both work and money.

Earning Can Change the Way a Child Makes a Choice

There is something interesting that can happen when children have earned money themselves.

The question changes from “Can you buy this for me?” to “Do I want to spend my money on this?”

Suddenly, the decision can feel different.

Something that seemed absolutely necessary five minutes earlier may not feel quite as necessary when the money is coming from their own savings.

That moment can teach more than a long explanation ever could.

They begin thinking about tradeoffs.

If I buy this, what will I have left?

Do I want this enough?

Would I rather save for something else?

Those are small childhood decisions, but the thinking behind them is something they will use throughout their lives.

The Goal Is Not to Make Everything About Money

Teaching children about earning does not mean turning every act of helpfulness into a transaction.

I want my children to know that some of the most meaningful things we do in life will never come with a paycheck.

We help someone because they need us.

We give because we can.

We volunteer because our time can be useful.

We work hard at something because it matters to us.

Money is one way that work can be rewarded, but it is not the only reason to work and it is certainly not the only measure of value.

That is part of the bigger conversation I hope to have with my children as they grow.

Preparing Children for the Real World One Small Lesson at a Time

Children have many years before they need to support themselves, build careers, run businesses, or make major financial decisions.

We do not need to rush them there.

But we can give them little pieces of understanding along the way.

We can let them experience the joy of receiving.

We can teach them to say thank you.

We can give them opportunities to earn.

We can expect them to contribute simply because they are part of a family.

And we can talk openly about the work and thought that often exist behind the things we buy.

These are ordinary conversations, but together they can help children understand something they will need for the rest of their lives.

There is a difference between receiving something and earning it.

Both can be valuable.

And knowing the difference can help children grow into adults who appreciate what they are given, understand the value of their own work, and recognize that what they have can also be used to be of service to others.

With gratitude and a heart of service,

Claudia Backus, MBA
Founder, Backus BrightBots